White Paper

Walking on a savanna with a Patrick, animals surround us, most of them eating animals or being eaten. I hear a voice over say we might be mauled by hyenas. I am afraid. We walk up a small hill where we find a sidewalk, which looks strange here. The sidewalk runs along the top of a ridge. We follow it. Soon there are store buildings, fences, and houses, which look ugly. The sidewalk ends and I step down onto grass, noticing a Nintendo DS on the ground. I look at it as I walk past. There are a man and woman walking behind us, and the woman says Hey, a DS! and picks it up. I tell Pat I had seen it but didn't care. We walk on a small grassy strip between a retail district and a residential district. We go into a store. It's small and plain. We sign in. There are ten or so people. We give them information about ourselves. We sit at white folding tables and eat cafeteria food. A man sitting with us talks to us. I do not know what we are doing there. After eating Pat, who I think is now J.D., farts loudly, and the man near us makes a face. I want to fart but am too embarrassed. I go to pee. The urinal is right near the restroom door and looks like it was homemade from plastic. Inside there is some metal contraption on the bottom with gears and rods and on the back are instructions on paper like it's a broken game. Anyway I pee on it.

I am busy in my mind. The internet is my other mother. I sleep inside it like a bear in winter. I am my own brother.

I have been watching TheWaterwhispers Ilse a lot. She turns me on easily. I guess I will watch two Good Mythical Morning episodes today.
I applied to Sprouts last night. That could be good. We went to Target and bought cookies and ate them and watched the Sarah Silverman Program.
I want the earth to be good to me. I want to be good to the earth. I am going to eat cereal soon.

Expressionless cat sits on windowsill and looks at the foreign outside. Does he want to go there? It is grey. Maybe in the sixties. Hungry pooping hungry pooping hungry pooping hungry pooping. Dying relaxing dying relaxing dying relaxing dying relaxing dying relaxing dying dying relaxing axing dying dying relaxing axing dying dying relaxing axing dying dying relaxing axing... I killed my father because it was fun, and I died when I did.

Has to Work

We are a body.

We answer the unsettling mysteries of eternity and now with the unsatisfying conclusions of every moment.

We are the United States of the United States.

I pace and jiggle to the happy and forlorn sounds of the blues...

What is the definition of "forlorn"? How do you define "forlorn"?

Missiissppi John hurt is a soul traveler. Nobody dies. Only a body can die.

We're so different than what we really are...

Just to lighten up...

Barfing farts...

Smelling love injustly.

Bellowing tiger for your breath to be fire at the stake, burning some young peace.........


Good
  morning Greg!
I put coffee +
water in the latte
maker- just add
milk + syrup + you're
ready.
   I'll call when I'm
on the way-
           Love,
                Mom

Here and Then

An hour ago I finished my first five days of test taking for Pearson. The first thing on my mind is the girl I sat next to today. My emotions about her (and generally about physical love) make me feel like crying. She sort of reminded me of Julie. I love Julie romantically more than I do anyone, I think. It's strange because I would be over the moon to be in a romantic, physical relationship with her, but in my mind she is Aaron's future wife and therefore untouchable. So, this girl, I lusted over her for four days. We never spoke, and I don't know if she noticed me. I pondered conquering my fear of speaking to her and attempted to devise plans to meet her and what to say. That's muddled language, but it's accurate. The thought that I loved her came up many times, and I tried to discourage it, like Aaron described in a letter to me. A few minutes ago, I asked myself why I had fallen for her so and why I was so nervous. She was cute. I imagined she was not older than 18. I liked her clothing and mannerisms. I was not watching her extremely closely; I still had to take tests. When she sat next to me today (we were assigned sectioned off work stations), I substantially freaked out internally. I sweated more and took a few minutes to read a couple of short sentences. I wanted to stare at her all day. I wanted to go on walk with her and hold her hand. I wanted to go to bed with her and just lay with her. So those desires were the cause of most of my nervousness. Also the weirdness of imagining us talking and getting to know each other, and spending the rest of our lives together... It didn't last long. I started thinking that I probably won't like her and she probably thinks I am ugly. I had the feeling of bitterness and giving up.

I'm listening to Huun-huur Tu. Nomad Song is super! Domino is climbing on me! Hard to type! I'll pet you later I said!

Goddam, what am I? Spinster Nazi Ninja... perhapppppppppppppppppssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

On the drive home I began thinking my thoughts as if writing my life story. I speculated as to how much I think differently from most humans and how many thousands or millions of humans think similarly to me.

I took a walk on a break, and, looking at a fence, buildings, and automobiles, I wanted to analyze how we have changed the face of the earth, what this land looked like a hundred years ago, and what we have made and why. A huge list that explains why things are this way here.

A man said to me today, "Nice shirt." I'm wearing my favorite shirt today. It is black with blue and red and has an illustration of a shore that goes all the way around the shirt. At the top is a lot tiny why spots for stars. It is righteous. Righteousness reminds me of Zelda. Going to India by Flaming Lips reminds me of Julie. It's called A Machine in India. Why do I think I am so special? It is so hard to connect with people. I need Aaron's help. I need my mother's help. I need Stacy's help. I need Ashley's help. I need the help of my brothers. I thought about that repetition sounding profound, not that it does, but that last sentence seems like an eternal human confession and necessary realization, brothers being a synonym for humankind.

OK, that's enough. Patrick came out of his room.

Bye bye, earth internet 

Sheep Go at Night

It's alone! I'm me! I never said that to be the one who said that.
I listen to Metaphorest for the first time. I heard them on a Levi's commercial that was just a music video. The actual video was also a music video. It was a cool song and video about waterfalls and San Francisco.
There are some girls from Dexter, Michigan. There is a boy from Dexter, Oregon. There are leaves on the ground. There are always everywhere songs. There are pictures of music outside up high.
I listened to a band called the W's for the first time. I am the 1990's staying at home watch TV on Sunny Day.
There are advertisements on every vertical surface. There are pristine kodachrome suburban streets. There are robes and baked goods. There is the feeling of a girl's tiny hairs on her skin. I don't know that.
There is an alcoholic tongue in my mouth. There is a stadium full of darkness. There are very, very, very quiet planets.
My mouth is sugar-coated. My shoes are coats.
Pat went to see Matt at Polvo's. Tim will be back from work in under an hour I presume I hope.
I should go outside as always. I read as always. Right now, I think I should be doing this. This is very me. It is what I do. I saw Ashley last night. We were great! There was quite a bit of sitting and staring. But we walked and I asked about houses and marriage.
I had a job today! It was my first day, and I could have 8 more. What a money machine. I can buy lots of coffee, damn it! I take high school tests for money. They want me to try my best, but I can do as bad as I want. On one essay, I tried to sound pretty stupid and typed a lot of run on sentences.
Metaphorest is tickling me pretty well. I want to vomit and die! Then play video games, work out, read and sleep for a while and wake up and go back to sleep and wake again and make coffee and eggs.
There is nothing happening and nothing to live for! I am going to live and love her (person I know) FOR EV ER!
I am going to visit other planets and moons (at least in the imaginary place behind my brain)!
I am taking off my hat. Consistence! For 333 years. I am liking your toadstool face. I break it off and chew it up and spit it on a sapling near the blacksmith's shop. Now you're a painting four towns to the left in a bowl of soup in a graveyard on top of the mountain where sheep go at night to pray for the soul of the universe that created ours.
The End.