There was a beautiful person at Pleasant Hill yesterday. She worked on a laptop by the windows. She got up a few times to look at books and go to the restroom. I shelved some books near her. I wanted to stare at her, but I only glanced a few times. She had longish orange hair tied in the back, shaved on the side. She wore a white tank top. She had a what seemed to be a perfect body, about 5'6" I think. I didn't get a good look, but her face seemed squarish, gentle, and strong. Her skin was pinkish peach. She seemed European or futuristic.
I felt gross compared to her. I felt creepy when shelving near her. Even without hearing my thoughts, she would think I am creepy. It was somewhat painful to see her or think about her. I wanted to get over her, but that was impossible. I didn't want to think anything about her that did not match her apparent beauty and grace. There was an old guy walking around near her. I hoped he wasn't thinking anything nasty about her. In my head I commanded him not to.
I briefly imagined talking to her, but I felt there was really no way I could. I didn't want to know anything about her for fear that she has glaring personality flaws, interior ugliness. Wanting a perfect woman is quite selfish and sexist of me. I even thought about being intimate with her, just snuggling and petting and kissing, and both of us being silent so as not to ruin anything. In that way I wanted her to be like a pet dog, for us to love each other unconditionally. Even dogs have conditions, basic as they are. I went into the restroom. I looked in the mirror. I thought that I had to kill her. I wondered why I would think that (other than it being something overly dramatic and pseudo-interesting that I have heard from TV and movies.) Part of it is so that no one else can have her, since I can't. The biggest part is just that it pains me to know she exists and that I can't "have her" like a pet. Sex pet. Really I just want her to be happy. It is way too bad that I barely thought of her as a human. It is good that I am realising this though. It's not like I could ever ever be outwardly violent or disrespectful. Of course it takes a lot of work to be respectful, to care about the well being of others as much as mine. But I want to be a better person, just for my own sake. I want to make it easier to live with myself.
Anyway, I hope she is doing well. She looks very beautiful. Everyone should know that.
Friday, September 26, 2014
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Hello, I'm Back
I am alive. They are black-skinned or brownish-skinned. The music makes me smile [:
Dilated Peoples - Expansion Team...
Pat is not here. I got home an hour ago.
I am Tim's computer...
Haha, I meant I am on Tim's computer. My laptop died.
It is Wednesday. This year is dying. Years go fast and days go so slow. Most days actually go quickly.
And the months fly by.
It's been almost 5 months since I began working at the library.
I know I would feel much better if I read more. I feel awful about abandoning Aaron kefir.
[: "Worst Comes to Worst" is playing. It's beautiful. I guess Kit had downloaded it. I wonder how he found it.
Straight up 12 years ago.
It's horror and amazing asses and flaming dikes. Blood shed, tool barn, asteroid camp.
I texted Aaron. I was listening to Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls, but I can't listen and type at the same time.
I thought I would read or write this morning, but I just watched youtube... and listened to Lonesome Crowded West. Julio and Dave and some lady came into to inspect the apartment.
I am listening to Trout Mask Replica again. "Pena" is crazy. I feel like I am smelling beer.
I guess I will apply to a 20 library job tomorrow.
Oh, that damn kefir. I don't want to work at all... I eat crap.
I really don't like listening to most of Trout Mask Replica.
I was cleaning out the yogurt jar after pouring the kefir down the drain. I just texted with Mom and talked to Kit. I feel trapped in a hole. Bike ride, birthday, renaissance fair.
I thought of watching Louie and when I thought of what I was doing I said This isn't much fun.
I turned on the TV and Now I am going.
Dilated Peoples - Expansion Team...
Pat is not here. I got home an hour ago.
I am Tim's computer...
Haha, I meant I am on Tim's computer. My laptop died.
It is Wednesday. This year is dying. Years go fast and days go so slow. Most days actually go quickly.
And the months fly by.
It's been almost 5 months since I began working at the library.
I know I would feel much better if I read more. I feel awful about abandoning Aaron kefir.
[: "Worst Comes to Worst" is playing. It's beautiful. I guess Kit had downloaded it. I wonder how he found it.
Straight up 12 years ago.
It's horror and amazing asses and flaming dikes. Blood shed, tool barn, asteroid camp.
I texted Aaron. I was listening to Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls, but I can't listen and type at the same time.
I thought I would read or write this morning, but I just watched youtube... and listened to Lonesome Crowded West. Julio and Dave and some lady came into to inspect the apartment.
I am listening to Trout Mask Replica again. "Pena" is crazy. I feel like I am smelling beer.
I guess I will apply to a 20 library job tomorrow.
Oh, that damn kefir. I don't want to work at all... I eat crap.
I really don't like listening to most of Trout Mask Replica.
I was cleaning out the yogurt jar after pouring the kefir down the drain. I just texted with Mom and talked to Kit. I feel trapped in a hole. Bike ride, birthday, renaissance fair.
I thought of watching Louie and when I thought of what I was doing I said This isn't much fun.
I turned on the TV and Now I am going.
Friday, September 19, 2014
Dream
I am at a college. I go to class. It's middle eastern studies, I think. I am late. I walk into a room full of people sitting at a long u-shaped table. An old man stands in the middle. He was talking, now everyone is quiet and looks at me. I feel that I am in the wrong room, or maybe I am just embarrassed. I leave right away. I hang out in the hallway with some people and chairs.
I sit with Doug Benson at a merch table outside of a theater after his show. No one else is there. We slump and talk lazily. I think that maybe he's not funny because he is lazy and consider telling him this. He shows me some objects. A plastic horse pulling something. Then, a man riding a small orange horse that is trying to ride a larger red horse. We both say that it makes us horny in a general way.
I sit with Doug Benson at a merch table outside of a theater after his show. No one else is there. We slump and talk lazily. I think that maybe he's not funny because he is lazy and consider telling him this. He shows me some objects. A plastic horse pulling something. Then, a man riding a small orange horse that is trying to ride a larger red horse. We both say that it makes us horny in a general way.
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Chill Peep
Life Without Buildings... Sorrow
I thought they were Australian, because of the live album recorded there.
There was a lot of lightning here. It seemed like everything was exploding.
Australia is probably in the top 3 places I want to visit.
It's so far... There Earth is big. It's on another day, the opposite season.
How is the movie Australia? $9,99? I accidentally typed a comma instead of a period, but I kept it because I think that how a lot of the world does it. Oh, I just looked it up and it's mostly Europe and South America who use commas. It's strange... I like it.
I live right next to a Hispanic cemetery. I want to walk around in it, but it's always locked, and I'm afraid I'll get caught and be seen as disrespectful. Just a little ways down the road is a Masonic cemetery. It's pretty big. It's pretty. I have walked thru a few times during the day. Once or twice with my good friend/only friend, Aaron.
Thinking of my life/life in general from another person's perspective feels infinitely helpful.
It's amazing what we can do.
Architecture in Helsinki?
Eyes and skin and hair and light and neural pathways and runways and air traffic controllers. Silver screen, digital projectors, international pop stars, 80 year old nurses. Botanical gardens, bees, cremated candy, Last will and testament, unpublished memoirs.
That's it....
I want to or need to write about my life in order to make sense of it or turn it into something positive and meaningful. I want to structure it around the places I have lived in. Starting with 827. This apartment, then working back towards living in the house with all my family, Mom, brothers, stepfather...
OK
I thought they were Australian, because of the live album recorded there.
There was a lot of lightning here. It seemed like everything was exploding.
Australia is probably in the top 3 places I want to visit.
It's so far... There Earth is big. It's on another day, the opposite season.
How is the movie Australia? $9,99? I accidentally typed a comma instead of a period, but I kept it because I think that how a lot of the world does it. Oh, I just looked it up and it's mostly Europe and South America who use commas. It's strange... I like it.
I live right next to a Hispanic cemetery. I want to walk around in it, but it's always locked, and I'm afraid I'll get caught and be seen as disrespectful. Just a little ways down the road is a Masonic cemetery. It's pretty big. It's pretty. I have walked thru a few times during the day. Once or twice with my good friend/only friend, Aaron.
Thinking of my life/life in general from another person's perspective feels infinitely helpful.
It's amazing what we can do.
Architecture in Helsinki?
Eyes and skin and hair and light and neural pathways and runways and air traffic controllers. Silver screen, digital projectors, international pop stars, 80 year old nurses. Botanical gardens, bees, cremated candy, Last will and testament, unpublished memoirs.
That's it....
I want to or need to write about my life in order to make sense of it or turn it into something positive and meaningful. I want to structure it around the places I have lived in. Starting with 827. This apartment, then working back towards living in the house with all my family, Mom, brothers, stepfather...
OK
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
A Journal To Save Life
It's close to 11 pm. I just emailed Aaron. I am watching OLLA again, for the third time. I freaked out and fell to the floor because DOmino kept meowing at me. It hurt my neck shoulder area a little. I ate a bowl of lettuce, carrot and olive oil. I came back to the apartment after work ended at 9 pm. It was another slow day for libraries and brains.
I fried some frozen salmon and now I'm eating it.
"I love Jack White."
I eat the skin...
I wrote some words in my spiral.
You oughta hear this.
Charlie Feathers
What is Rockabilly
The Internet is fantastic and under appreciated.
What is real physics
I feel doomed, hopeless, regretful, sorry.
Self-Meaning is dying, disappearing, crippling. Detaching. Away. Far. Being.
Shed, I burst to kiss Jeff Mangum, loosely, losing all shape and prism and prison and begging bars and after wealth and shoving health face plants and grooming and growing twothousand tears old and beginning to fever and ash and successful blood tongue fruit gasping artful beautiful basking love.
I am going to go som mewhere. WONDER.............. Breakfast, Floss. CoFEE. AGAIN, I am.
I have dreams, I dream, Saving forever.
Stacy on Friday... It gives, all there, all over
I fried some frozen salmon and now I'm eating it.
"I love Jack White."
I eat the skin...
I wrote some words in my spiral.
You oughta hear this.
Charlie Feathers
What is Rockabilly
The Internet is fantastic and under appreciated.
What is real physics
I feel doomed, hopeless, regretful, sorry.
Self-Meaning is dying, disappearing, crippling. Detaching. Away. Far. Being.
Shed, I burst to kiss Jeff Mangum, loosely, losing all shape and prism and prison and begging bars and after wealth and shoving health face plants and grooming and growing twothousand tears old and beginning to fever and ash and successful blood tongue fruit gasping artful beautiful basking love.
I am going to go som mewhere. WONDER.............. Breakfast, Floss. CoFEE. AGAIN, I am.
I have dreams, I dream, Saving forever.
Stacy on Friday... It gives, all there, all over
Friday, May 16, 2014
I had a little bakery in my nuts
Over lying Truth of My matter
I hate homosapiens My belchy stomach
sings myself Overlapping Hetero
Fantasies I grab the stick the
bleeding rhythmic stick my
pulse is an organ my bloody drum
Stuck on my fourth finger I have
loose noodles in my head-shaped
block of hearty ice it's inside
my looney toon career I am face to
life a sack a Poor Tom my
rump my suckling ducking forward
I piss out of my locked door, My
friend is a psycho I learned him
to lock all alfredo Peering in my
Latin Frigid Specimen I eat your
earaches. Here is this totally Unholy
Busty Waitress. Feel my Time!?
Sacks of balls, No one sees a bladder
a sickly beefy Nectar Dry as a Bitch
Flutter in her nose My dick fleece
Biting horse ecstacy Homeo
Plath Blend of extra needless
underdone saucy Blimey carcass
Fleabag Don't Suck Millie
Wonder, An open Artificial
kindle fire I wonder what
mother had for dinster, my
what a brother you have
been You're only lonely then
having lost teeth You're a
child I wonder where big
pig skins say I will kick
you out on your firey ass
you solemn opus you whiney
crat sack of Prime Dildoes
I'm intimidated I'm articulate
Finally Finally gushing My
Wunder Bra Sexual Preversion
Ono Homosapien You pissed
my future I wonder how loudly
a cry from the back court
the pantry the yard of the
Neighbor a specific friendly
gesture, Now waiting, I am
myself doing something, Now an
alcoholic, Pissing a future
Underdone Reread
Underdone Reread
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
I ate
3 pizza rolls and sauce
Dr pepper
3 chocolate chip cookies
3/4 box of nutter butters
coffee, vanilla almond milk
avocado, onion, 3 cherry tomatoes, garlic salt
tortilla chips
grilled ham and cheese sandwich with olive oil and onion
peanut butter and vegan chocolate chips sandwich
i'm hungry... i dunno, no control, i give it up, don't, hold, try, care, do, do. ye
Dr pepper
3 chocolate chip cookies
3/4 box of nutter butters
coffee, vanilla almond milk
avocado, onion, 3 cherry tomatoes, garlic salt
tortilla chips
grilled ham and cheese sandwich with olive oil and onion
peanut butter and vegan chocolate chips sandwich
i'm hungry... i dunno, no control, i give it up, don't, hold, try, care, do, do. ye
Friday, December 20, 2013
What I Ate
5 bites of sweet potato
banana
wrangler breakfast taco: brisket, potato, eggs, cheese
2 cupcakes
cup of coffee
pb sandwich
banana
16 coconut wafers
tilapia filet
salad, parmesan dressing
mint camomile tea
tortilla chips
refried black beans
banana
wrangler breakfast taco: brisket, potato, eggs, cheese
2 cupcakes
cup of coffee
pb sandwich
banana
16 coconut wafers
tilapia filet
salad, parmesan dressing
mint camomile tea
tortilla chips
refried black beans
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Still Young?, Slow balls...
an Still Young?, Slow balls...Still Young?, Slow balls...
an ocean aboard a microbe planet - bj
I would be pretty sad if this were deleted {: allright, this was added after I saved it... bye {: ha
This is for the blog. For the world. For all the love inside me to gush out and drown the earth in happiness and hope.
Mixed up message. I just want you to know. No YOUR space. KNOW you'RE space. I thot of that. I am a clever bean. What if a bean can think and reason and reflect. I would hope that it likes me. It must be concerned about being eaten. What percentage of wild beans are eaten? When a wild bean dies on the stalk or falls off and turns into soil, it thinks about its life and thinks, "It's been good. I have felt the sun and the rain and the wind. The winters were cold. Summers hot. I saw friends and family come and go. I leave a legacy. No matter what... the arctic seed storage facility will ensure that my wonderful kind will see the future, live amazing lives, feed the hungry, fertilize the soil, die happy just like me riiiigghhhhhhttttt... NOW!" Bleehhhhhggggkkk. The noise of a dying wild bean.
That seems good enough. I am alone all day. No car. I went outside at 6 am. Fun. It's around the freezing temperature outside. I have been masturbating like a monkey. I am unsure of how to set goals or plan to achieve them. I guess school is a good structure to give method for self-improvement. I did trash and mail. I made food. Cleaned a little. I watched general orders number nine on netflix. NO capital letters is more difficult to read. It's just incorrect. I am a bit paranoid that Pat may come in with or without Bridgett. Michael Cera was funny. I wonder if that article was true. On Spotify, the past two random songs on my favorite list were/are Dream On - Chemical Brothers and Thirty Incoming - The Books. I like the latter more right now. I like Books more than Chemicals. I do not understand chemicals. I do not understand most books. They can be expertly comforting or rigorously challenging. I remember the photos I saw on the Books' website. They built their own beautiful house at a beautiful snowy place. How much, how does it do...
Earlier Pixies came on, then Patton Oswalt, then Pixies, then I joked to myself that it will just be Patton and Pixies, then Patton did come on again, and I think I only have two Patton tracks out of 3000 or something. Coincidences... I don't think they are. This is just the way it seems to me. It seems it cannot be any other way. Things happen perfectly because they have to. I cannot quite explain it. It is somewhat like I <3 a="" ago.="" all="" am="" and="" at="" backdoor.="" balcony="" bathroom="" because="" bedroom="" better="" bit="" blogger.com="" body="" box.="" can="" clicked="" closet="" clothes.="" contentment.="" coolest="" cursor="" days="" dining="" doing="" door.="" door="" doors.="" english="" express="" facing="" farted.="" fast="" feel="" feeling="" for="" front="" funny.="" funny="" glad="" ha="" had="" hah="" haha="" happened="" have="" held="" high="" hope="" hopeful...="" huckabees.="" i="" in="" interesting="" into="" is="" it.="" it="" knope.="" know="" kristen="" laptop="" leslie="" letting="" like="" lot.="" makes="" maybe="" me="" met.="" mood="" more="" movie="" my="" nbsp="" nesbitt="" no="" nostalgic="" not="" of="" on="" out.="" out="" p="" person.="" person="" post="" pretty="" restless="" sara="" say="" saying="" school="" she="" smells.="" some="" sort="" started="" still="" swings="" t="" table="" take="" tegan="" text="" than="" thang="" that="" the="" them="" there="" things="" this.="" this="" thought="" thoughts.="" tired="" to="" type="" typed="" unless="" useful.="" was="" washed="" well.="" when="" who="" wordpad="" writing="">
I have to poop, Damnit! Hanna theme is better than Surrender!! I dare to Dream, Beeeee HOTTTTTCCCCCCHHHHHEESSSSSSSSS!!!! YES! SuckSESSSSSSS! {: Damn.
Still not done, grizzly bear. My beard hurt a little. I guess the hairs are so stiff that when I touch them they poke my skin... Jeff was very stern and disappointed that I drove my car hot and blew the head gasket. Yes, I should take care of my car. I know almost nothing. I felt they were judging for making my mom take care of my problems. I dunno. I want to try to be homeless... even without a car! McCool's. Silliness. Nuttiness. Poopiness. Aaron said about the past, "I didn't like my house...", I said it sounded like he didn't like the building, making an observation about language use. I think it's a synecdoche. "My house" means "living in my house". He looked so irrated and confused that I was making us talk about it. I got so embarrassed. My stomach grabbed my heart, so I said anyway. I wanted to talk about these feelings, but either I was still embarrassed that night or I didn't care enough. I ate a Christmas Tree cake early this morning, I think. I opened a new box and they are gone now. I guess Pat was here for a bit and took the rest. Hm, weird. Apprentice Eh at the end of the Australia trip videos made me so happy. They feel like real friends. Funny. I was going to text Julie, but I texted Ashley again instead.
This really does not go anywhere. Hmm... I am worn out. Work for three days, off for two days, a birthday... 24 years. Some people just never die... {: I want to watch more Cat Lady... Some hungry bundles of sacks... Gotta say goodbye... haha! Erasure - Always! So great! Vulcan video, expressive life, Viciousness!!!! {: hehe supreme... Buenas Dias...
an ocean aboard a microbe planet - bj
I would be pretty sad if this were deleted {: allright, this was added after I saved it... bye {: ha
This is for the blog. For the world. For all the love inside me to gush out and drown the earth in happiness and hope.
Mixed up message. I just want you to know. No YOUR space. KNOW you'RE space. I thot of that. I am a clever bean. What if a bean can think and reason and reflect. I would hope that it likes me. It must be concerned about being eaten. What percentage of wild beans are eaten? When a wild bean dies on the stalk or falls off and turns into soil, it thinks about its life and thinks, "It's been good. I have felt the sun and the rain and the wind. The winters were cold. Summers hot. I saw friends and family come and go. I leave a legacy. No matter what... the arctic seed storage facility will ensure that my wonderful kind will see the future, live amazing lives, feed the hungry, fertilize the soil, die happy just like me riiiigghhhhhhttttt... NOW!" Bleehhhhhggggkkk. The noise of a dying wild bean.
That seems good enough. I am alone all day. No car. I went outside at 6 am. Fun. It's around the freezing temperature outside. I have been masturbating like a monkey. I am unsure of how to set goals or plan to achieve them. I guess school is a good structure to give method for self-improvement. I did trash and mail. I made food. Cleaned a little. I watched general orders number nine on netflix. NO capital letters is more difficult to read. It's just incorrect. I am a bit paranoid that Pat may come in with or without Bridgett. Michael Cera was funny. I wonder if that article was true. On Spotify, the past two random songs on my favorite list were/are Dream On - Chemical Brothers and Thirty Incoming - The Books. I like the latter more right now. I like Books more than Chemicals. I do not understand chemicals. I do not understand most books. They can be expertly comforting or rigorously challenging. I remember the photos I saw on the Books' website. They built their own beautiful house at a beautiful snowy place. How much, how does it do...
Earlier Pixies came on, then Patton Oswalt, then Pixies, then I joked to myself that it will just be Patton and Pixies, then Patton did come on again, and I think I only have two Patton tracks out of 3000 or something. Coincidences... I don't think they are. This is just the way it seems to me. It seems it cannot be any other way. Things happen perfectly because they have to. I cannot quite explain it. It is somewhat like I <3 a="" ago.="" all="" am="" and="" at="" backdoor.="" balcony="" bathroom="" because="" bedroom="" better="" bit="" blogger.com="" body="" box.="" can="" clicked="" closet="" clothes.="" contentment.="" coolest="" cursor="" days="" dining="" doing="" door.="" door="" doors.="" english="" express="" facing="" farted.="" fast="" feel="" feeling="" for="" front="" funny.="" funny="" glad="" ha="" had="" hah="" haha="" happened="" have="" held="" high="" hope="" hopeful...="" huckabees.="" i="" in="" interesting="" into="" is="" it.="" it="" knope.="" know="" kristen="" laptop="" leslie="" letting="" like="" lot.="" makes="" maybe="" me="" met.="" mood="" more="" movie="" my="" nbsp="" nesbitt="" no="" nostalgic="" not="" of="" on="" out.="" out="" p="" person.="" person="" post="" pretty="" restless="" sara="" say="" saying="" school="" she="" smells.="" some="" sort="" started="" still="" swings="" t="" table="" take="" tegan="" text="" than="" thang="" that="" the="" them="" there="" things="" this.="" this="" thought="" thoughts.="" tired="" to="" type="" typed="" unless="" useful.="" was="" washed="" well.="" when="" who="" wordpad="" writing="">
I have to poop, Damnit! Hanna theme is better than Surrender!! I dare to Dream, Beeeee HOTTTTTCCCCCCHHHHHEESSSSSSSSS!!!! YES! SuckSESSSSSSS! {: Damn.
Still not done, grizzly bear. My beard hurt a little. I guess the hairs are so stiff that when I touch them they poke my skin... Jeff was very stern and disappointed that I drove my car hot and blew the head gasket. Yes, I should take care of my car. I know almost nothing. I felt they were judging for making my mom take care of my problems. I dunno. I want to try to be homeless... even without a car! McCool's. Silliness. Nuttiness. Poopiness. Aaron said about the past, "I didn't like my house...", I said it sounded like he didn't like the building, making an observation about language use. I think it's a synecdoche. "My house" means "living in my house". He looked so irrated and confused that I was making us talk about it. I got so embarrassed. My stomach grabbed my heart, so I said anyway. I wanted to talk about these feelings, but either I was still embarrassed that night or I didn't care enough. I ate a Christmas Tree cake early this morning, I think. I opened a new box and they are gone now. I guess Pat was here for a bit and took the rest. Hm, weird. Apprentice Eh at the end of the Australia trip videos made me so happy. They feel like real friends. Funny. I was going to text Julie, but I texted Ashley again instead.
This really does not go anywhere. Hmm... I am worn out. Work for three days, off for two days, a birthday... 24 years. Some people just never die... {: I want to watch more Cat Lady... Some hungry bundles of sacks... Gotta say goodbye... haha! Erasure - Always! So great! Vulcan video, expressive life, Viciousness!!!! {: hehe supreme... Buenas Dias...
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Food Blog # 9
November 5, 2013
3 handfuls of Golden Grahams
Plateful of organic mixed greens, balsamic vinegar, sea salt, black pepper
Small organic steak
Three Double Dave's cheese rolls, marinara
Three Double Dave's cheese rolls, marinara
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Food Blog # 8
Friday, Oct. 25
7:00 am
Nature Valley Caramel Cashew Protein Granola Bar
Banana
1:00 pm
Three slices Papa Murphy's pepperoni pizza
Two fat free fig newtons
Five scoops of light Creamy Creations, dark chocolate sauce, caramel sauce
10 oz. Sonic Blackberry Tea
Few Reese's Pieces
8 pm
Organic Salad, Balsamic Parmesan dressing
Can of Bush's Maple Bacon Baked Beans
7:00 am
Nature Valley Caramel Cashew Protein Granola Bar
Banana
1:00 pm
Three slices Papa Murphy's pepperoni pizza
Two fat free fig newtons
Five scoops of light Creamy Creations, dark chocolate sauce, caramel sauce
10 oz. Sonic Blackberry Tea
Few Reese's Pieces
8 pm
Organic Salad, Balsamic Parmesan dressing
Can of Bush's Maple Bacon Baked Beans
Monday, October 21, 2013
Food blog # 7
Sunday October 20
Casa De Luz -
Hibiscus tea, bean soup, salad
Tortilla, beans, vegetables, rice
Coffee, milk, sugar, vanilla extract
Baker street fried fish, zucchini fries
Casa De Luz -
Hibiscus tea, bean soup, salad
Tortilla, beans, vegetables, rice
Coffee, milk, sugar, vanilla extract
Baker street fried fish, zucchini fries
Friday, October 18, 2013
Food Blog #6
Friday, Oct. 18
Organic Ambrosia apple (last one)
Three organic eggs fried in margarine, garlic salt, pepper
I.D. Vanilla Iced Coffee
Ben and Jerry's Heath Bar ice cream, almost half a pint
Wholly Cow cheeseburger
Some Diet Peach Snapple
Spicy Breaded Chicken Breast Filet, black beans, cherry coke
Hot Chocolate
Organic Ambrosia apple (last one)
Three organic eggs fried in margarine, garlic salt, pepper
I.D. Vanilla Iced Coffee
Ben and Jerry's Heath Bar ice cream, almost half a pint
Wholly Cow cheeseburger
Some Diet Peach Snapple
Spicy Breaded Chicken Breast Filet, black beans, cherry coke
Hot Chocolate
Food Blog # 5
Thursday, Oct. 17
Two organic eggs fried in olive oil, garlic salt, pepper
Organic ambrosia apple
Two Double Dave's cheese rolls
2 cups International Delight Vanilla Iced Coffee
P. Terry's cheeseburger with onions
Orange juice, coconut rum, creme de banana
Two organic eggs fried in olive oil, garlic salt, pepper
Organic ambrosia apple
Two Double Dave's cheese rolls
2 cups International Delight Vanilla Iced Coffee
P. Terry's cheeseburger with onions
Orange juice, coconut rum, creme de banana
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Food Blog #4
Wednesday, Oct. 16
7:00 a.m.
Two organic scrambled eggs, olive oil, garlic salt, pepper
Organic ambrosia apple
Triscuits (~20) and extra garlicky salsa
Coffee, milk, sugar, banana flavored syrup
Organic mixed greens and sweet potato, coconot oil, salt (I tripped on a stair and dropped some of it and broke the plate.)
7:00 a.m.
Two organic scrambled eggs, olive oil, garlic salt, pepper
Organic ambrosia apple
Triscuits (~20) and extra garlicky salsa
Coffee, milk, sugar, banana flavored syrup
Organic mixed greens and sweet potato, coconot oil, salt (I tripped on a stair and dropped some of it and broke the plate.)
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Food Blog #1 (It is so funny to me that I forgot to post this) Worst Possible Start to a blog
Sunday, Oct. 13
9:30 a.m.
Raisin Nut Bran with 2% Milk
Organic Egg fried in Canola Oil with sea salt and black pepper
2:20 p.m.
Flour Tortilla, Market Pantry Refried beans, Jalepeno slices, provolone cheese.
Starbucks coffee, milk, vanilla coffee mate
9:30 a.m.
Raisin Nut Bran with 2% Milk
Organic Egg fried in Canola Oil with sea salt and black pepper
2:20 p.m.
Flour Tortilla, Market Pantry Refried beans, Jalepeno slices, provolone cheese.
Starbucks coffee, milk, vanilla coffee mate
New Is Good
I went back to sleep, because I wanted to remember a dream. I think I was dreaming, but the banging of the trash being picked up woke me up. Before I fell asleep I had the feeling that my legs were arms. I was all tingly in a frustrating way. I slept for maybe an hour, but it went so fast. I am listening to Humans. I can't think of a better band name, but I can think of better music. Sitting in this chair will mess me up. How can I be so comfortable, when this position will later make me so uncomfortable. The same way eating tons of M&Ms can feel so good, then later it hurts. I stopped watching porn, and I am even more passionate this time about never doing it again. I am going to tell Stacy about it Friday. I hope that I can break the habit and lose the impulse to watch in few weeks, based on what I heard from Woody on PKA, that it takes three weeks for something to become a habit. I hope that it works the other way, but it may be harder to break a habit that to form one. I hope that I can eliminate my perverse sexual thoughts and fantasies. It's only been four days since I watched porn. I really do not want to disappointment myself. I think maybe I should call Sprouts to see about my background check. I don't really know. I have no instructions. I don't remember everything Warren said in the voicemail. I could just listen to it again. I think I should wait to hear about drug testing. It is weird for a company to check for chemicals in urine. They should just ask employees if recreational drug use will interfere with their job. That's just me though. I feel like I am sane sometimes.
Sometimes I don't. Pat and Tim were here at Jan's with me last night. They stayed until midnite. We tried to play bezzerwizzer while watching TV. Tim fell asleep. This is Ed's house too. I am really afraid in general and about this job. I want to listen to Expectations by Belle and Sebastian. I settled on the Helio Sequnce instead. New music is so.. hopeful. Or finding music that I like is. I am really grateful for Spotify.
What will life be like on Friday? I have to call the dentist to get cavities filled. It's so boring and dead. I realized all this crime and desolation is because people are so bored. We need things to do to make ourselves better. Not that we always think we are not good enough. We should see amazing potential in ourselves. Everyone should see it in everyone and everything. Then act on it to bring it out and reach it. I don't know what our potential is, but we should believe in it and do what we can, do what we know is right.
I feel arrogant to think I have amazing potential, but I have been down on myself for a long time and it's difficult to see there is another way to relate to reality. I call myself defeatist and fatalist, and that makes it worse. I try to be open and honest. The gap between my conscience and my physicality still seems so wide. What can I do to close it? I think talking to people would help. Actually talking, actually being with someone and connecting. Why is that so frightening? I have cocooned myself so well. This blog is a way to connect, but I don't tell anyone about, because I would be terribly embarrassed to talk about it, or the things in it, in real life. In person I mean. I have thought that it would be nice to get a comment on my blog. To connect with someone. I have assimilated internet into my reality. I was interrupted by a phone call from Sprouts giving me job. I have to not be so stupid. That's negative.
Mom called, saying she's excited (I texted her about the job) and proud. I said thanks. I said I am a little bit excited and nervous. She said it's normal to feel a combination of excitement and anxiety. They are pretty much the same I think. Maybe excitement is anxiety that feels good, and anxiety is excitement that feels bad. Anyway, neither is boredom and that's good.
Bye, bye, love, Greg.
Sometimes I don't. Pat and Tim were here at Jan's with me last night. They stayed until midnite. We tried to play bezzerwizzer while watching TV. Tim fell asleep. This is Ed's house too. I am really afraid in general and about this job. I want to listen to Expectations by Belle and Sebastian. I settled on the Helio Sequnce instead. New music is so.. hopeful. Or finding music that I like is. I am really grateful for Spotify.
What will life be like on Friday? I have to call the dentist to get cavities filled. It's so boring and dead. I realized all this crime and desolation is because people are so bored. We need things to do to make ourselves better. Not that we always think we are not good enough. We should see amazing potential in ourselves. Everyone should see it in everyone and everything. Then act on it to bring it out and reach it. I don't know what our potential is, but we should believe in it and do what we can, do what we know is right.
I feel arrogant to think I have amazing potential, but I have been down on myself for a long time and it's difficult to see there is another way to relate to reality. I call myself defeatist and fatalist, and that makes it worse. I try to be open and honest. The gap between my conscience and my physicality still seems so wide. What can I do to close it? I think talking to people would help. Actually talking, actually being with someone and connecting. Why is that so frightening? I have cocooned myself so well. This blog is a way to connect, but I don't tell anyone about, because I would be terribly embarrassed to talk about it, or the things in it, in real life. In person I mean. I have thought that it would be nice to get a comment on my blog. To connect with someone. I have assimilated internet into my reality. I was interrupted by a phone call from Sprouts giving me job. I have to not be so stupid. That's negative.
Mom called, saying she's excited (I texted her about the job) and proud. I said thanks. I said I am a little bit excited and nervous. She said it's normal to feel a combination of excitement and anxiety. They are pretty much the same I think. Maybe excitement is anxiety that feels good, and anxiety is excitement that feels bad. Anyway, neither is boredom and that's good.
Bye, bye, love, Greg.
Food Blog #3
Tuesday, Oct. 15
7:30 a.m.
Two organic eggs, fried in olive oil, garlic salt, pepper
Organic Ambrosia apple (amazing, but expensive)
Coffee, milk, butterscotch schnapps, sugar
Organic mixed greens, olive oil, garlic salt, pepper
Organic sweet potato, coconut oil, salt
Two Double Dave's cheese rolls, marinara
Ten Oreos, milk
7:30 a.m.
Two organic eggs, fried in olive oil, garlic salt, pepper
Organic Ambrosia apple (amazing, but expensive)
Coffee, milk, butterscotch schnapps, sugar
Organic mixed greens, olive oil, garlic salt, pepper
Organic sweet potato, coconut oil, salt
Two Double Dave's cheese rolls, marinara
Ten Oreos, milk
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Food Blog #2 (I Forgot)
Sunday, after 6 p.m.
Organic baby greens mix, two handfuls maybe, olive oil, salt and pepper
One large organic sweet potato, coconut oil and salt
Orange juice and coconut rum
Monday
Two organic eggs, fried in no oil, garlic salt and pepper (pretty gross)
Slice of wheat bread
Organic Ambrosia apple
Baby greens mix, olive oil, garlic salt, pepper
Organic sweet potato, coconut oil, salt
Orange juice, coconut rum, banana liquor
Organic baby greens mix, two handfuls maybe, olive oil, salt and pepper
One large organic sweet potato, coconut oil and salt
Orange juice and coconut rum
Monday
Two organic eggs, fried in no oil, garlic salt and pepper (pretty gross)
Slice of wheat bread
Organic Ambrosia apple
Baby greens mix, olive oil, garlic salt, pepper
Organic sweet potato, coconut oil, salt
Orange juice, coconut rum, banana liquor
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Same Day I got to shit... :{}> Yyyyeeeeeee
I'm disappointed that my dreams seem to have become mundane to me. I may have lumped them all into the category of indescribable, and now I have been barely able to remember solid details or any flow of thought or story in them. I miss dreams. Porn's so stupid and worthless and degrading. I have tried to intervene with myself to stop watching it. It's a strong habit. I had really disgusting fantasies about Julie. I imagined telling Stacy about my sex fantasy of Stacy and adding details while telling her and getting off on it. I almost rear-ended someone on I-35 in downtown traffic while fantasizing about Julie. Typical. I had just left my interview at Sprouts. I think I shall be starting that job soon. I am worried about what will be expected of me and how I shall preform. That seems typical. Damnit. I feel horny. Mostly because I'm alone, I think. I feel like this writing is going well, though. Patrick left Friday night to Bridgett's and Saturday morning to her family in Victoria. He'll be back later today he said. Early this morning, Tim left for Kingsville to see Chelsea. He'll back Monday night. I am going to Jan's this afternoon. I must have started this about ten am. It's been raining a lot. I miss Ashley quite a bit. I really don't care about her body or intimacy anymore. I just want friendship and to know she is doing well. That sounds sappy and like I am trying to be a good, likable person. But why would I lie here. Lie as in not true. Here as in Blogger. Meta. Suck. Bluck. I got up about nine to nine thirty. I turned on the PS3 and got on youtube. I started to watch DailyGrace, but oh no ugh. So I watched/listened to Coffeh Time. It made me want to watch documentaries. I shall do that soon. I have to wash my clothes. I got semen on some underwear and blue shorts. Why do I type that and post it. It's in my head. That is the only criteria for posting here. I'm wearing an inside out black long sleeve old navy shirt. How egg-stacksly.
What isle is the world? This blog changes how I write and think. Done Does Diss Dizz Whizz, Peacczzzzee. Is this it? by da strokes. This lazy writing is depressing. I do not know how to read myself. Like how people say to read "a writer's name". And The Blow...
"isle" up there is supposed to be else, and I like that isle is a word, i like what it means.
What isle is the world? This blog changes how I write and think. Done Does Diss Dizz Whizz, Peacczzzzee. Is this it? by da strokes. This lazy writing is depressing. I do not know how to read myself. Like how people say to read "a writer's name". And The Blow...
"isle" up there is supposed to be else, and I like that isle is a word, i like what it means.
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