Put a grave in heiro. I am gravely looking forward to it. I remove myself from everything. Empty child holds me. I gladly speak for it intestinally, a cat on my lap. Mr. CoffeeLips, Yes. I cannot remove myself from myself. Somethings remove me from myself. Disc Golf and dreams while asleep. Sigur Ros in the video screen. Aisles at Target. Speakers on medium. I hunger for a while.

everyday in me

I am going to type everything I have wanted to say in the past two days right now.

I don't like my life. I think I am wasting it. I don't want a service job. I don't want to go to school. I want to sell my semen. I clicked on the link in my e-mail, but I could not get to the questionnaire.

I listened to some tune-yards yesterday. She made me happy. Patrick turned on the TV and looked at the Disney movies and I checked the chronology and we watched The Rescuers. Tim came home in the middle and watched the rest with us. It gave me mild enjoyment. Earlier, on Monday, I watched a documentary called Thirst, which I liked, then I watched a documentary, for which we had seen a trailer quite a while ago, called Nature of Existence. It was all right, far-reaching, and directionless.

On Sunday morning, I watched a documentary called Which Way Home, about children trying to come into the U.S. through Mexico. I was enjoying it, then I searched for porn on my laptop and paused the movie, went to my room and masturbated. I took a shower and went back to the movie.
I was pretty good. I liked the darkness and realism. There was Nick Cave's Song for Jesse throughout it. After that I watched a movie called Lbs. It was interesting and different than I thought it would be, then Kit and Tim came in and we watched some together, then Kit left. Tim had a new phone that he was focused on. I liked the movie; it was sort of inspirational; the guy lost a lot of weight. It felt pretty true to life.

I read some of A Poetry Handbook and the contemporary poetry anthology. I wish I were a lot less horny. I wish so much did not make me feel like crying. I wish I were a lot less afraid of people.
Somehow, it seems I could be okay with dying. I don't think I put much value on human life. Death and violence upset me very much, but I don't think anyone should be alive. I don't want anyone to die, but a dead body is just as useful as a living one.

I don't like pain; I don't like sadness. How much joy can one person take? God is beyond the infinite. Infinity is limited because it cannot be expressed in finite terms. I learned that from a Jew.

Something is killing me. I saw two pretty fat people at Target. I broke plans with Ashley. I blew off the party at Julie's.

I am not healthy in many ways. I do want to live well while I am alive.
Aaron just wants to be perfect, so that he can be closer to God.

What's the moral? What's the lesson? What's the imperative? Can we speak with trees or sun?

I should be clean and calm and collected. I should be sustainable. We have played quite a bit of Duel of the Planeswalkers on the PS3 lately. Tomorrow is America's birthday. 236 I believe, if my math is correct.
"He ate a bunch of hoagies, now he's thin... Well that's bullshit."

I do not know what to do. Reading is a chore. I don't know how to make it mean something.

Words are pretty, they look pretty, they sound pretty, not as pretty as a pretty woman. I need to see Ashley today. I want to tell her many things, I want to hug her very tight. I want to smell her.

I have to keep reading good poets, whoever they are, maybe soon I'll be able to tell. I have to start writing good poems and affecting people with my poetry, and affecting the universe. I have to think more practically. I cannot conceive of the universe much less affecting it. I cannot even conceive my own reality. I can't conceive a baby. I want someone to use my sperm to make a baby, then eighteen years later, my child comes to find me, and we meet and it's awkward and we don't get along well or want to see each other again. How blissful.

I can't imagine getting older, even though I have and am. We are going to see Safety Not Guaranteed. It should make us cry and be happy to be alive. That is all. We shall go see the fireworks by the river. How quaint a day, how preposterous.

I am dizzy. I am forced. How to care about things . . . Am a creator. I do not need anyone else. I must have some human contact. I must not admit defeat. everyday every day ev ery d ay

Words for Today

I was sleeping. I wanted to sleep more. I sent an email to the Erwin Center saying I was sick and not going to work. I thought of lying to mom and asking her to tell Buzz i was unwell and not going to work.
I dreamed of Andrea. She had a twin who was slightly younger and less attractive, but i was interested in her and i could see myself with her, maybe she'd be more accepting of me than andrea. I was alone on a sidewalk. A van pulled up. A woman like my poetry professor was driving. She was exuberant. Andy and some other girls were riding. I got in and we were going to some fair or festival. it was night. she was driving crazily. I held andrea's hand i held it with both hands. i put her nail on my teeth. I said I was sorry i got saliva on her finger. she seemed uninterested and irritated. I don't think either of us understood. I put my head on her belly it was soft. I guess i was going to sleep, I told her this was good, being on her, i don't know if she cared.

I just listened to While You were sleeping. So I don't think I should be at work. I think being mentally anguished by the fact of having to work is just as reasonable a reason for taking a day off as being physically sick is. I just watched five or so episodes of futurama. I am still kind of anguished about work and not working.

I am very anguished about andrea, and the past. and the future. Being a child. Being at home. Being lovely being loved. Loving... having a hard time of it. Being conflicted. being horny. being lonely. being distracted.

time does not matter, it is not real, it only matters what we do

I am at the beach. beach the I am at. That is that is that is that is that. What will I scary be afraid of..... What is that I am

I see a cup. I change the future. I dance like a mongoose. The killer of certain birds. The hungry pigeon. The waste coat in a darling park.

Sparkling. Earring earner. The concern for a worldly apparition. the black inner self.

The dear bear. Alive with all of life's suspicions and altruisms

supple parsnip bean attractive plop

sum  poinciana  timmy  rustle  refraction

son   does   eagle   feathery   ships



the end of the words for today             1+1=<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Near the time of life

hi Hey Ho< dickbitches, I listen to cover's of Buddy Holly songs. Suck a little more. Tim's love. Pat's love. Kit's Love. Hi. I had a job last nite. Friday night fights. I hate boxing, but I love boxers, like all people and things. I made fifty dollars, to pay toward keeping shelter and eating food.
I just watched les stroud beyond survival. He's a pretty nice guy, almost like a god.
I started getting excited near the end of the paupa new guinea episode, I kinda thot i was getting horny. Those emotions are mixed up. I had a physical reaction to the images and sounds. I really like "learning" about them, or vicariously experiencing their culture. I like how the show makes me think about what it is to be human. I now listen to Human Milk. They dug up the bones. It made me sad to see the human in that state of decomposure. Work was so easy. I wanted to skip it. But it would have to hard to try to talk to mom about that. Money is important. I care for money not at all. I think about padre almost everyday. So carefree and feeling good there. I thot about Andrea as I got to the apartment parking lot last night, because I reminded me of the time she drove me home on my birthday. I began to get regretful, nostalgic, sentimental,  missing her, her touch, kiss, company, face, mind, life. I went right to bed almost, and I shed a couple of tears that fell down the sides of my face as i looked at the ceiling. How lachrymose. From the Latin for Tear. EER. How Melodramatic. I sent my poetry Professor some poems to review for my reading at austin java. She made a few edits to one and I i shall complete some of those edits. I am excited.
There was a prerelease todayy, but I told them I don't want to go, them they brothers. The modern PTQ was good and not good. The magic playing was all nice and fair, but the being there was on and off not good.
Mom comes to austin today to see jan play tennis with us. Tim works until 3. It is Saturdaisy!

Our dog, I had draems, Patrick stabbed my hand by accident with a spear. I saw the hole and it was totally dry like so old a wound. There was a plastic bag with a package of Titanic in it, i stuck my head in and sang the titanic song like it was coming from the movie package, trying to amuse the family and people around. We were  near a road, in a sort of clear field. I have no idea. Another part was my bros and i going to a second apartment that was very messy and some girls sat around near the stairs and stuff, one girl looked at us she had interesting blonde hair. she sat in reclined position. After we went thru the door, i saw her again and our window had no pane, just a hole. the walls were light green. Pieces of food were on the floor, i picked up a piece of some dessert. I thought how we should clean it or pests. There was a TV and a Family Guy parody of the New Yorker was on.

I should be healthy. I am afraid that I won't have much to say to Aaron. I have to read to have something to say. I'll go buy that fitness book he recommended to me. Die! Not yet, home bre.

Dibbidy dibbidy.. do.

Byebye

hello diary

It's a Sunday morning at 10:45. I have been up for about 45 minutes.

I woke before 8, then went to Tim's bed to sleep more. My neck is a pain on the right.

I was looking for tim's letter from the bank and I looked everywhere and thought i had accidentally thrown it away but then i just moved the calendar on the coffee table and it was underneath it. I got onto his facebook account. I'm on his computer now. I looked at hundreds of dani schumacher pictures. it was not completely perverted. she is very beautiful.

Friday night patrick and I watched submarine. I enjoyed it just as much the 2nd time. Yesterday he put on ghostbusters. Mom bought a new car and took us to dinner. I drove kit to the airport about 24 hours ago. He is in Miami. He and Lorena will cruise around the gulf of mexico. Too often what my eyes see feels very disconnected from what I am. It is a holy day. The anniversary of jesus's resurrection. I miss the heck out of julie.. and andrea but that is a different and confusing situation. I want to know what she thinks of me. Physical appearances are too important. Tiim comes back from houston today. I imagine he had sex with whoever he went to see. Lately i have been at a sort of loss about what to do from second to second. I need a book by gertrude stein. I have to write a paper about her. she is very beautiful.

Oh, I am going to see ashley today. That is happy and exciting. We will sit and walk and eat together and see things and talk i presume. We will also hear things. Noises and objects and life.

Things make noises. People make noises. animals make the noises. Birds, crickets, locusts, cicadas, turtles, tarantulas. People hoot. Hollers shout.

I have to buy wine cheese and crack hairs.

I have pants but no wear them, I wear shorts, I wear T shirt. I am caveman I am man man.

I have long legs I have business today.

Today, I am going to be a friend first and enemy 2nd, I am my countryman. I am supportive of US legal rights. I believe the fight to be equal my Momma. Industry capitalism, True be your friend.

My life and the Anti-deponents. Succubus Martial law opponents.

Collateral for tea bleeding tax exemptions.

This makes no sense im sorry

Seee the story fight the power. Powers be. What to do now. There's a cat im frantic. I know you i know about your life i know about your causes. i make a difference to myself. you make a difference to myself.

hm, waht isle es there. be creative. what does poetry mean. when will the sky open to me. Noodles in my head. This has been 30 minutes of me. I forbear my energy. Predication. Go Bye.

Have a futuristic nonchalance, bee bop sha bop shalom my baby

Pissing and Pwning

I'm O.K. He was awake at midnight. Sunday or Saturday. Probably Monday at noon.

That means nothing. Dear Internet Journal,

It is 11:18 p.m. on Monday. The date is up there. I am invested in my ACC classes. It is what I've decided to do, so I must do it. I have nothing else to do. There is less than a month left for classes. I have about three papers to write. Short ones albeit. I will work backwards for a minute. I firmly believe that I want to read The Brothers Karamazov when I am finished here. I flushed two Kleenexes, which I had to use in place of toilet paper. I could have gone to the store, or even gone into Tim's bathroom. But there is Ashley and Domino. Patrick and I watched three episodes of Frasier this evening after working out. I drove us to Sonic and he bought us a root beer float. I had a cheese and green chile tamale and a turkey wrap with cheese and greens. I drank some cherry limeade that comes in powder packets. Before driving to math class I played Limbo. A song just came on Grooveshark called Brother, and I am about to cry now. My math professor brought a violin to class and played some to teach us about octaves. I think there was a point in class where I had to suppress my urge to cry. It was probably a quiet moment that felt like it had some poignancy to me. I dreamed that Ashley and I were cuddling on a sofa and I asked her out and she agreed and we both were saying something like "finally!". I ate a pizza slice for lunch and watched King of the Hill. I did Latin homework. I drove to class, and at the last minute I remembered it was cancelled because the professor's father is sick. Or ill was the word in the e-mail. I took a picture of my right eye and my peace lily's flower with my new phone. We watched the Ides of March on Saturday. I didn't like it as much I wanted to. I guess it was all right. It seemed like women are unfairly portrayed in it. She sleeps around, gets pregnant, gets emotional, gets a man to pay for her abortion, then seems to kill herself or mistakenly drinks alcohol with her meds. Then she's replaced and used as collateral for the main character to get ahead politically by blackmail. It's all good. Jan was there. She paid. Then we waited a while to get my phone. Nice young black man helped us. I'm listening to Galaxie 500 cover Velvet Underground. Goooooof. We pulled up flowers at Kit's then played Magic until I had to go meet Max and Julie at Zilker. It had been a long time since I'd seen him. Ashley went with me. Max and Julie each had a frisbee golf disc. We hugged them. We drove to the greenbelt. It was nightfall. We walked in the creek bed in the low light. We ate cheese, saltines, and honey roasted peanuts that were in Julie's brown backpack. We hugged again in the parking lot. I said to Ashley that Julie gets prettier all the time. Ashley said she wished she was as pretty as Julie. I said You're pretty in your own way... and that no one can be as pretty as Julie, which were both dumb things to say I guess. We always want to keep from making people feel bad, but they're going to feel bad anyway. I fuking hurt your fuking feelings. Hah, what a funny sentence, yes?

It's time to end this 30 minutes of typing. I'm listening to Natureboy. Yipppeeee! Say it manly.

OK byebye does toe eve sky...

Love, Greg

I just read two text messages from Aaron and Mom that were sent about 6 hours ago, but I just now turned on my phone at five till midnight or so. I wanted to type this, because I had a strong feeling that I am a huge disappointment. I misspelled disappointment on my first try. I really like the word 'misspelled'. Aaron's text was asking if he was ever going to get that letter. I have sent him two things, but I guess my mailing style isn't effective, and there was a problem sending my letters. I had the feeling that he felt I was ignoring him and I'm ashamed that I could have made him feel that. I'm also deeply torn about having a relationship with Ranisha. I imagined telling her I don't like her and telling her I don't like her smell. I feel practically horrible for getting her hopes hopelessly high. I kind of find myself settling for ignoring her as much as I can. There's a buttload of homework for theater class. I have a whole play to read for tomorrow. I regret that Ranisha might read this. It nearly makes me cry this moment. I'm sorry if you are reading or crying and very sorry for not communicating. I have become obsessed with Curses Fired. I am listening to it on loop. I'm glad I've got that mess inside me about Ranisha out. It eats at me. The main concern I have relates to the text Mom sent me. She asked how much I will need for October rent and bills. I felt sorry for taking her money at this late stage. I still do. I feel bad for being so lazy and selfish. I'm not sure where the problem arises from. Maybe it's just confusion. I let it all go bye.

After theater yesterday, I ate some red beans and rice. I took my math stuff into my room, but ended up just looking at porn and masturbating. Then, I almost started doing homework. I wrote the title of the section. Then, I just wrote whatever I wanted to, mostly random words and partial expressions of angst, but I posted it onto my other blog. Pat and I worked out then went to buy muscle milks. I asked him if he thought they worked. He said they probably made a little difference. I mostly just like the taste. I played Curses Fired again. This morning Pat and I went to Target. 'Target' is and extremely weird word. Ashley was off work. I was going to say she was 'home' today. We watched Roxanne, with Steve Martin. I actually went to my math class. It went OK. I found out I haven't missed my test like I thought. Ashley played Little Big Planet all day. I did Latin. We had half class. Tim made cheeseburgers. It was the day after his birthday. Sunday we ate Olive Garden. It went OK. Tim played Shadow o'da Colossus while Ashley and I watched. Yesterday I really missed Aaron and I do again some. We watched the last Home Movies episode. Pat made me a new standard deck and we tested it. Tim asked if we wanted to play MTG with Casey on Saturday, so we'll plan on that. I feel piss. ... I'm cry. I'm listening to more Natureboy. She is solemn in her sounds. I was reminded of In America. I like that film. MaxWELL DaMON. I realize I'm sort of gay. All of my sexual orientation is theoretical though. I'm pretty sexless. But I see some men I have sensual urges toward. They're never as strong as my urges toward women though. In general I find women much more attractive, but I almost just want to prove that being gay and loving and lusting for whoever you want is important. There is a small girl in my Latin class who excites me. She has short black hair. I just realized she is probably younger than me. She has mentioned her boyfriend several times in class.

I don't know what to do. I'm kinda worn out. It's almost 1 am now. My laptee battery is maybe low. I want to look at Andrea's photos now.

Baaaaaaaahh laaaaaaaahhh

Monday, September 19 and Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Sunday night I was not able to go to sleep before 2 am. I cannot remember when I finally did fall asleep. I wrote a lot of junk on paper. I'd like to go back and read that junk. I tried to make some Chrono Trigger MTG cards online. Then I masturbated in a frustrated way to put myself to sleep. I made oatmeal Monday morning. I probably stayed in bed until 10:30. I skipped a shower. I put some pants on. For some reason I wanted to play Mario Party and I did. I got 3rd place. I had almost decided to skip class. I had done some of the homework Sunday evening, but I stopped and watched Tim and Eric. I was not going to finish it. I thought I might turn it in to the mail room in the evening. I walked to Walgreens and bought 2 Tollhouse cookie ice cream sandwiches and a vanilla frappuccino. It was close to noon. I cannot remember what I did for an hour. Then tt was almost time to go to class, and I got kind of ready and left. I parked at Garrison park again. I sat in the car and listened to whatever, some Pitchfork song that I thought was the Pixies. I decided I would be happier to skip class and turned the car back on and drove away. I drove through some residential streets. A song that I believe is by Portishead came on, and it almost made me cry. I liked it. I drove to Mary Moore Seawright park and tried to do some math homework but the windiness was a bother. I walked about. There was a weird guy who seemed to be following me. He freaked me out. We were alone at the horse corral. I saw a dead raccoon under this wooden structure. I walked around the tennis courts and past the disc golfers. I went to this gathering hall of some sort. It reminded me of the Blair Witch Project and of the Village, without any horror aspects, and of this one documentary about some mental asylum that I do not remember so well. I read these plaques about the wildlife, flora, geology and history of the area. I walked in this creek bed right close. I thought about writing this short essay about myself, what I do, and what I think. I was going to title it "The Math Homework", but that doesn't really say much. I like the dates. [Pat makes noise at night. I wonder if he figures we can hear him. I suppose he supposes us to be asleep.] I was a tad scared of snakes. I walked out and back to the car. I went to the apartment. I made ramen noodles. I put on Larry Sander's Show and watched 2 episodes that I had missed. I tried to sleep some until Tim and Ashley got home. Before Tim got in, I started my Latin homework. I finished it just in time, taking a break to shower. I was a couple minutes late to class. It was a nice class. Back in the apartment, I found an Arby's sandwich and ate it. Patrick and I watched Larry Sander's and ate Tollhouses. Then we watched Dolores Claiborne. It was all right. Maybe we did not watch Larry Sander's last night. It's easy to switch days around. Last night.... I must've gone to sleep. I must have been awake at 11:00 am. I showered. I made coffee. I made scrambled eggs and toast. I watched Adventure Time. I enjoyed an episode that Aaron and I had enjoyed. I wrote Aaron a letter on the inside of an envelope. I left for Geology class. I was running late. I walked from Garrison and I was ten minutes late. I was right down the hall from the room. Climbing the stairs was daunting, exhausting. I turned away, walked back down, and left the building. I knew it was some kind of mistake. I justified losing the perfect attendance bonus points by thinking I would have missed some class between now and the end of the semester. I walked and walked. I thought I saw Mom's car driving on West Gate. At the very end of West Gate, the concrete and buildings made me start singing Custom Concern to myself. I walked to the 360 greenbelt entrance. I started on the trail then thought of thirsty hungry bobcats and left, went back the way I came. My boxers were way up in my crack, so I went in the outhouse-like toilet and pulled them down. I had to walk up that hill towards Toys Are Us. I was beat. I went into Pokejo's and had a sausage wrap with sweet tea. I walked down Manchaca. I knew I was getting sun burnt. As I had begun my walk, I had thought of getting the sunscreen but had decided I didn't care. Back in the car, I checked the time and saw it was nearly time for my theater class to start. I drove to the parking garage, listening to "Every Breath I Take". I stopped on the top level. It was an O.K., easy class. The professor is somewhat enjoyable. Back at the apartment, I was unsure of what to do. Pat and I began playing Magic. Pat reminded me of pizza rolls. I told Tim and he ordered them. Then we went to Target before getting them. Back again, we ate and drank cream soda and watched Lost. Pat and I played Magic some more. We went to the fitness center and pumped weights. Then we drank Muscle Milk and watched Larry Sander's. Oh, oh, yes, so typical. Now how here I am. I am here. I'm in my room and it's 1:26 am. I want to sleep. It's 1:27. I hope tomorrow goes well. Bye See ya later.

PS, I made a song like this: "5 alligators later, I spilled my best shirt on my mushroom, now how about that. 5 crocodiles earlier, I spilled my shirt on my best mushroom, now I'm sad about that, 5 alligators later....

grg

- with love

Hey fucshchcin Sexy, I am loving you.

Readdd a few more pages, the last pages of the fifth or sixth chapter of the Brothers Karamazov. The title of the chapter is Why Is Such a Man Alive?

I also readdd the 2nd Letter to a Young Poettt.

I am lissstening to Regina Wattts.

Song is acallled "Wha". It's fabulous and sensational. There was a description of Fyodor Pavlovich by his son Dmitri that goes: depraved sensualist and despicable comedian. I like that. I am doing this for myself, to know myself better, to practice expressing myself.

In my life, some things get harder and some get easier, then the easier things get harder again and vice versa...... Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

I am listening very hard. Use the Adverb. Say Hey Sexy! I am a love for you. Find me in your love herd. I am listener in you heady love brew.

May I be confuseed, I may hear myself tell myself that I do not want to understand because it is too difficult to make choices and deal with the mediocre or horrible or pleasant consequences.

I am listening to myself. And Ghostland Obsevatory. I wish I could silence myself better sometimes. There is nothing harder than trying to please someone who knows not how to please his or herself. Everything is wonderful. I believe in People and I believe in Beauty and Hope.

I could set myself on fire but that would hurt and solve nothing. When you can look into someone else's brain. I am going to go everywhere. I want to make it happen so badly. I am trying to keep my tears in my eyes. I am going to figure it out.

Ranisha is my girlfriend. It is a very good thing that has happened to me. I am happy to make her happy. It is a fulfilling thing. Life being very heavy. I want to be a great writer. I want to help people make themselves like themselves.

Get Out Here

Hi, Internet.
I am at home again alone. I am listening to The Books, The Way Out. I am enjoying! I am joyful.
Also I wanted to write because I wanted to send Julie a text asking her how everything was going, but the I thought of how she was in school and I also thought of Ranisha and the same for her, BUT the agitation arose when I thought of sending them the same message at the same time, then comparing my feelings for them. I've thought that I love Julie very much and also find her very attractive, and I like Ranisha a lot and like spending time with her, but I don't think I could be half as attracted to her. And then that makes me feel sorry for her, a little guilty just for feeling less love toward her, because a large part of it is their appearences, and I would rather not be superficial. It may be that Julie's personality is even more attractive to me because of how she looks. It is too bad to think that I wouldn't love her as much if I found her less attractive. I guess it is. Their manners of speaking are also parts of their appearences to me. From what they say and from their facebook profiles, I get a sense of their personalities. I shape them based on my experiences. It's just that I would rather lay next to Julie than Ranisha at this point.
Sometimes I am attracted to Aaron. and I think of touching him. I've even imagined him naked. Sometimes I have homosexual fantasies.
I am eating almonds, raw. Rawlmonds. SOmetimes their skin tastes bitter, but their meat is sweet.
Oh well, Way Out is over.
I made some poetry and pictures.
It is 1:10 PM Middle of May Two Thousand Eleven AD
When I was watching Thor in the theater, I thought it was 2010 and was a bit surprised to remember it is 2011.
It's so late, in the years. I am 21 years old, halfway through my 22nd year... on Earth. Yep, I live on Earth. Sometimes I think it is not much use to think of Earth as a planet in the universe. It is useful to think of earth as a place to grow. Grow vegetables, plants, which animals eat and get eaten by bigger animals then people eat some of those animals along with some plants, and some die and get eaten by smaller animals and by the earth so that it can grow more things.
And people's minds grow figuratively. They gain knowledge and make smart decisions ideally.
People are different than animals. I might think so. I think Aaron would say Yes for sure.
Books are still good and still going.
It's never done, never finished, nerver over. !Hah
It's actually only 1:11 now; I am looking at different clocks.

OPaY! I am done for now, Goglo, Be you later.

If anyone is...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Maybe people would want to look at this if It was anything interesting or at least organised.
But I don't care, It is just for me.
I am becoming obsessed with Felicia Day. I just found the Guild by being around Ashley. I kind of resent Felicia Day for being so insanely cute.
IIIII'VVEEE SENT WORDS TO MY CRAZY ASTRONAUT PROSTITUTES!!!!!!!!
I like to pretend when I am alone in this quiet house at night, that I am all paranoid and jerk around like I hear or see scary stuff.
I whisper things to myself, like You're not you, or I'm all of this...
Mom and I begin to grow little vegetables tomorrow, then Ashley and I go to the city for pizza and a Sonny Smith show with Alex.
Then I hope we make that walk there in the nature, near dusk, all lone, and soft and stuff.
I've been thinking about the goodness of self-interest and money profits.
I require silver fresh pity.
I've been thinking about not living that long.
Bodies. Take care of our bodies.
I have a few words. I forget. I cry. I go along. I'm over. I close my eyes.
Tangerine. When I can eat that clementine. Surfer Blood. I'll discover myself.
Some people will think I am a cannibal. I just want to fry some intestine.
Pot of noodles. Every mistake. I just pretne d=== I am somethimng else
OOOOOH SHIN CHAN PONYO........ THIS MOVIE, WHERE DID I GET THAT MONEY, HOW MANY YEARS HAVE PAST, IS THIS STILL A FANTASY, WELL WWWWWOOOOWWWW, THIS NEVER ENDS DOES IT?
I have serious trouble relating my emotions.
and controlling them. and recognising them
I know one billion people they will die for me.
I need to burn something. I think maybe my foot.
Maybe my arm socket. Richie Rich. Pudding slide.
Hopefully I will fully revert back into a baby.
My mother is heavy, like five gallons of water... carry carry, slip, splash....
My body is a heap of junk.
Maybe I'll love a computer mother board.
Maybe I'll fry on a beach...
Won't I be glad when I get in a situation of desperation that i cannot escape





[:

September Second passing By :}}}

The news I get will tell me how to live. I do not know how to go outside and live like a person. We need fulfillment and excitement. Just have fun, is that an Answer. I will most likely not solve much of anything talking to myself, An animal, Are we humans living correctly? Animals have hard lives, even before humans began disturbing natural orders, Is it all random and meaning less, Look at much smaller things, that still matter, Do you want to be happy, What is happy? It is a feeling, It is when the lions are rolling and smiling Laughing playing, Moaning from sex. Living truly. I see your pores you have black hairs, Why do I watch TV? Why would I think you are disgusting, Athletic Animals, NO, Fit, Healthy, Strong, Capable, Feared animals. What goes on in an animals head? Why does it matter? Those moments he said, make life worthwhile, we have to try and work hard to extend our lives in order to reach those memorable pleasant life sustaining moments. Talking to myself I can find out things hidden in my head. Unravel and reveal, then I can show someone this thanks to a computer and Internet, They can see my questions, think of their own questions, Answer me, answer themselves.

Eat right and exercise, Why Am I frantic? Why did I want to type You referring to myself?
Are people animals, Biologically, Science Can tell Everything, But within This system of words there are places I cant go.
I want feelings I do not have right now. To feel good, other people don’t complain so much, they get things done, Don’t question so much.
In just going, In just doing what you do, You find things you did not expect to find and they make you happy, You do not need to look really hard, Good life comes to you, when you travel, go, eat, walk, see, eat,
What is this song? This is just something to do, Why is it a tragedy? Who cares for me right now? Well.
There is someone in need. I am not in need. I Am greedy and selfish.
Is there a perfect human? Why all this this worry?
I am trying to grasp something too big.
I really hope to find a balance. To find a reason and purpose, a steady life goal, to feel useful peaceful. A calm.

After this can I have concrete details. I look at a dune, Blue sunset dusk. I want a sunrise too. Always sleeping at sunrise. The sun don’t go down. Within our solar system it is the earth that is moving. All this scientific discovery that we take for granted, I might want to be a scientist. Observe the empirical universe. Learn other languages. Answer powerful simple encompassing questions. Be useful find a use for my time, Grow flowers, Food, Medicine, Passion, Spark interest in children, Give pleasure, sexual, taste, aesthetic, eyes.
What should I be doing right now. What Is everyone else doing right now.?

Lame Lime

It is a long time ago, sir. A sir with a madame's lady part down below. SHe want to be friends with hermaphrodites, and I understand, I doo too. SOme mixture person, my mind mi world comepletely raped and discarded upside down. i wish

I had sexy dreams last night and my ass is sweaty. On Face book on AOL im. Everybody knows no one needs to know, no one understands.

Playing magic the gathering and pokemon, Watching mighty boosh.

It was difficult to make myself clean yesterday. clean the bathroom. It must be sunday.

Ive grown into patterns. I dont see how I can break them. My mom is my social life. I never want to do something. I am reluctant to be involved in my life. Nothing is real to me, and when I sense my life is becoming even a little real, I have to get out, it is overwhelming.

I'm sorry to someone.

I do not want to be in that position.

I might ride bike today, but mostly I have no plan. I am afraid I will not want to go to school again. I should just read.
I thought about destroying my moustache yesterday.
I did eat cinnamon oatmeal, and I will eat something else before too long.

Helllo, I am getting out.

I may not see you, Just arrival , depart my way

Goodbye me.
. seeja

A memoir

I am back in the den. On pandora.com I heard Lucky Charms by the Moldy Peaches. It is 8:14 AM.
It is dim in this room, and the sunlight is a god. Words can kill you and bring you back to life. I might have schizophrenia, because that's what the medication he gave me is for.
The unicorns are a nice band, and it is the name of my new hair cut.
Time passage has an interesting effect on me. Really no effect. The clock has a small effect. I want to talk with Einstein, but there are a million people still alive that would have a stimulating conversation with me.
I paced last night, and I eventually went to sleep. I did none of my Bio paper, I listened to Pandora and looked at Nikki and Naked girls.
I want to start a band called Tiger Woman. We will have a theme and mascot and style.
I have no idea what I want to do every second. It is hard to live in ones own body all the time. I feel sorry fo people who can't sleep. I have been losing sleep.
Kimya is amazing. Si is Bob Dylan.

I will see her in 5 and half to 6 hours. I hope you are reading this, and I hope it makes you feel a little better.
Going to a show to see Crystal Castles tonight. I hope that goes well. The sunlight on the brush is amazingly beautiful, the morning light, at 8:26. I wish I was bleeding. I don't cut myself and never have. I don't know what I am about to do. I am predictable and average though.

Oh yeah, I just said that out loud, I need to write some poems about Easter and foreign countries.
I am excited but I cannot do anything, but I am alive so I guess I am doing all right.

I will see her and that is all that matters right now i guess :+ P::[] :} bye {; uhdu jh hi

:{F ;{
: : :}{: POL{ {P} PKSJOggio osd Me and you everyone else

I just wan t o type a normal blog.

I like to listen to Animal Collective a lot. It makes me happy to think of someone reading this, I love you are a beautiful and Special Person and You are capable of anything and are making the world better every second!!

I hope no child killers and rapers are reading this tho.
You all should stop what you are doing and atone and pay back everything you can to the people you have negatively affected. Get some professional help, life is really nice with a good attitude. After you are all better, tho, know that you are special and worth everything.

OK. I need to write a long ass research paper. I need to remember that no one is better or worse than anyone, or species, no one can be sterotyped and no one or anything is as it seems and things will always change.

Washington square memories. I walked in by dads old apartments last week, i think.
I saw an old guy at a bus stop, i thought about him being dad, I missed dad, and I thought about how old he would be, and I missed him later, i miss him now.. i thought about how strange and wonderful it would be to see him again.

I do not know if I can continue to go to Saint Edwards. I am a rambling shell of a humdrum humanoid like figure skating shadow of a rock on a tree birthing a light of heat and cold universal truth that sheds skin all so runny and funny and dripping and sloppy and from a dice point that awakes children of growing funguss and moss,,, eating ice cream that floats in side and out side,,, , ,, ,, and music in the moring of a quiet house and n atureee sittting patiently waiting out side and we alll dont even know its grand plan :}}}

Dasnce Sidewaysss I love you too mayeb Illl grow uppp butt thtissss isss sooos much funnnn :}:}:}: {
"Ldet;
:G ::} : :}{T: :}{: haye bye [ :

Goooooog er er geee

Hi. I am typo9ng. I am typing many things.
My wish is to make a woreld of better things.
I have a better plan to big make a thing that makes dear old world beg in mercy for a big and brighter and betttttttter things.... here

Here is a my secresst of god awful plan

I am going to steal a boat and hikack it and jack the high priest of al queada

He will explodde at my finger tips and from then on then the ocean will be a dent in the circle of the tides. I will KIll a fish throw it high into the air, if it remains in tact i will shoot a spark then it will bloom into a dozen or moore treees that will sprout schools in the vacinity

Thats allll.

I am sure it will work, IIII goooooooooooooooooooooooooo heruihberajerguh hgeihij rev egiojergjvg jvn jejv oe jjf vkdaf o;idfnvbiuerhgieongrnb,erbgv cn rtrgihrbgvenf rgubiaf b gehrv rv v vbrinv rbguohdbhtyurtnfe gtbehoritaf hiagtsz nxfblqfou;kbhjbrvhbzf bnrv;onrg eigv vuier;bn feahlvau vargv;uirgbar vfzviriug;khaf vmzm ufbamnsDbfoaijeo;lanab;ddfgvbzmfmnvkanehrgt;df f;ab fKJ>Befo;i Befin bnghr;g R gbaregfgernjgfo;esn gfbndg fd v'iwnfrb;aer gn/fvivcb sd fvo'i;ewahf;;cjravbufhgbu e gfvarjifbpadf dsfvabgf erflk bvijerurhrijnvvbaeif vbs-0ewhedf;ilfdg hbgvcgn b avhawetfeiofhdgbvh.lnxlizfudfvjc va eflia dfv,zxcb laelawje'fplbadfndifaskhdf,lsdkkfd;pfalef., fh a;fk asdvbas;dfnfubdfsvndn as'pbafdljowdjdfbocb xzp;nfasdaj d'o;ian;sdnvnssc vpsndcenfscdsdsdvsadsdfvjsdo;nvvskadnc mASMJOIDKFUEOIWFLNACJHDASFDBCD VSAND S;DONVhlSD ;ICV SADV. SD;DNV S ACVI;SD V SD; VS;IODA VSD ICO;SDNFYEROERWRURI OHEWIUHRTIWER REHERWPOIEWRPI UHR RE

This is fun, Why not.

I just realised that people miight read this and now I am afraid to put things in here. I wanted people to know what I think. Now that I am not bent on lsing everything, I am more cautious, I started taking Lexapro yesterday, Tim took it, Sorry Tim!! Haha God damn, Modest Mouse , Beck!! I am very happy,. I saw nikki before she left today, Only she has not left maybe

Me and Pat have been watching the first season of SNL,,,, bab bbah ba :}

I like that nikki now knows where my house is. I want to go back to st. eds.
I hope I dont flunk out, and am not allowed back. :} Bahh, Gosh Cake Is swelllllll, the band, he just said.

The Band is a good Band. Me play frisbee today.

I want to say, I don't dislike everything on the radio.... :}

This godam Cat Face.... is soooooo Cuuuute.. . I love it, god damn, she needs to see once, and so does everyone........ sooooooooooooo Prettttttyyyyyyy!!! Oh
Im almost too happy for my own gooood, defiantely too happy for anybody elses good.

Eat Huney Bunches of Oats TM.

Godam Commercials and popular things make me sad sometimes and peoples lives. We need to see what is bad, so we can make it better, and not only care about our own happy small lives.

Morphine is like Waits. I am always worried about twhat people think of me, even when there is no one but myself to judge me.

It's funny to think about how we don't know whats real when I look at my finger and there are two of them... :}}}}}}

Ok just think about that then do something else,,,, moderation baby,,,, see me later bye bye
I lovwe youuuuuuu

<3 happy :} {:


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What I do

My bones hurt.
I walked 15 miles yesterday.
I wanted to go to Mount Bonnell.
I got about 2 miles away and gave up.
I did not know where it was at the time.
I was gone for about 5 hours.
When i got back I bought a Texas Sunrise at Meadows Coffee house.
I had some dreams last night. I took about ten minutes to write them down and was late for Computer class. I took the bus back part of the way yesterday. just down congress. I was so freakin tired. I went to sleep about ten or so last night. i slept till eight. then reset my alarm for nine and dreamed again.
It is tuesday. I dont know what to do.
i guess i will go now.
It is kind of grey today.
My plant is okay i guess.
I gotta go maybe something blog.
I hope you are happy.
I will be back someday.
bye bye {: