Living this tension between hurting and healing myself is a mental Roller coaster. It is 150 years, one of the oldest. It Creaks and Shakes. I sit in front, Stuck. Other people fly in and out of the other seats. 

I am the sole operator. I try to make repairs when it rolls low and slow enough. It often breaks and falls off track. I love to listen to My Rollercoaster by Kimya Dawson. 

I want to hurt and heal.

What do I think? What do I eat? What do I sleep? Who do I help? Which diseases live with me?

Split like a shooting star that is actually a star

God's tear, walk on icy Earth 

Fingers of blood

Wiggle through time

Make variety mistakes

Take spice in the nose

Leave life on the chin

Good night God sleep how well

And tomorrow today.

The End