Purple Nips of Castro

Should i type this even though it's eleven pm, and I don't want to? I'm listening to Kevin Divine, because I saw him on the Chris Gethard Show. I have spent more than an entire 24 hours watching that show in the past four days. I'm on episode 33 of the hour-long episodes. I was looking at myself in the mirror. I have almost made a joke out of my self reflection. I think I am missing something so obvious that it may kill me. My teeth and my muscles are being destroyed by the food I eat and the nothing I do. I dimmed this screen but it looked too depressing. Pat and I watched Portlandia. Life passing me by just feels perfect as a grey highway streaming thru my mind's eye. This is good music. I have to take care of Daisy soon. There are lots of things I could and should be doing. Mom told me to apply at Whole Earth and as a volunteer at the library. We went to see The Purple Rose of Cairo at the Paramount tonight. I thought about Mom not being a good person, except she is, but she has a lot of problems, which I just sort of realised recently. She should not feel responsible for me now. I feel that I have too much information dancing in my head to decide what I should be doing any given moment. My body is very weird. I think The Chris Gethard Show has become a part of my soul. This is good for me to do. I keep imagining weird situations at Julie's birthday party, but I want to go as a challenge. I really cannot see myself like other people see me. I'll ask Ashley if she wants to carpool. Mom will probably have dinner with Madeline and David and his girlfriend/womanfriend Lisa. I imagine eating barbecue and David and I questioning my life choices. I hope Charlie Kaufman puts out a film soon. Mom and I walked on Town Lake on the day I started watching bunches of TCGS, and I looked at people with lots of love. Really happy. I'm happy and sad, and I can't tell the difference. I don't care about anything or myself.

I am still afraid that I am still the same as I have always been, and that I cannot change myself. It's ASMR time. It will be all right. Good ngiht every one, bi bi.