This was Cheryl's last night at Pleasant Hill. She sounded a little choked up talking to me just before walking out. I will still work with her on some Saturdays.

I greatly respect her and enjoy her company.

What did I want to type about? I am tired now. I am listening to an ENT exam on youtube. It is very relaxing. British accent. I was listening to Life Without Buildings...

I ate some ground beef with salt and pepper and an apple. I think I'll eat the same thing tomorrow morning. I am also eating some lettuce...

"I am ashamed of my brother for letting the lettuce spoil.
I wish he were a better role model."

Just go to sleep, me... ok

Just just just just

I got up about fifteen minutes ago. I have been in weird moods even for me. I love that the air is getting colder. But I feel like I am in high school again. I feel desperately confused, overwhelmed and out of my own control. I see Stacy tomorrow. Also Kit and I plan to bike. I wanted to text Mom about the weather and wish her a good day. I think I will still do that. I would have but my phone froze.

My hands are masks and twigs. I cannot erase or picture anything. My hands are shaking but I am not cold. They're a little sweaty. My knee sucks, probably because I suck. Can I save the bacteria? I would rather be E coli. I wonder if all my brothers will be here Saturday night. I thought of playing Pandemic, but we may just have time for Small World.

I want to listen to Today More Than Any Other Day right now.

I have been feeling weird because I keep thinking back on all the time I have spent in this apartment and how it will end soon and then I do not know what I should do or what I really want to do.

I feel so young and also that I may be halfway dead.

What do we do!??

All I can think is that Youtube will make me happy. Or at least distract me/lift my mood for a bit...

Grocery shopping is such a huge problem.

Just Canada........ Just Ought....... I am about to cry.

Patrick walked in a few minutes ago in his underwear holding a towel. He is in the shower now.

I do feel like I am in an endless loop. It has to be this time of year. I saw a person sitting in a car in front of the apartment. I imagined they were dead. I wished that someone would die, like my Mom or one of my brothers. Then I imagined Cheryl dying.

I just want so much to change. I want to be shocked into living a life that means something.

Somehow positive.

Composition.

Just... I have next to zero understanding of anything that people do.

and I am a person...

~

I wish I were as excited about eating well and getting my own food as I am about SmallWorld and other games and shows and music and fantasies.

We're moving on. "Bring It Back" Routine Poutine.

Death Teed

I um

Um

Dreamer is beautiful

Dream Beauty

I was everywhere. I saw, heard, and felt everyone and everything.

There was time. We are using time, just like our bodies. Use everything you can.

Glockabelle is fun [:

I set up a two pplayer game of SmallWorld to see if Pat wants to play when he gets home. I think he will be amused and accepting. Tim and I plan to play again with and maybe Kit or Casey on Sunday. Four player would be fun.

I've been watching porn again and jacking off. I stopped both for about two weeks. I was happier then.

I feel dumb and empty. I want to eat something good. There is not really much bad food that tastes good. Pizza rolls don't taste good.

I watched a ton of youtube.

Pat should be here in about an hour.

I am doing almost nothing because Kit cancelled our bike ride to study or sleep or work.

I should ride my bike.

The guy I played last round at Khans, when I said I want to... before playing something, said Ride your bicycle?


I just played "Nature and the Wreck: because it is calm and beautiful.


Bye for NOW~!